(Brace yourselves, friends. This is long. But I think you’ll get some good chuckles.)
1. “All right you monkey suit-wearing pencil pushers! Show yourselves so I can adjust your uptown attitudes! I know you weasels are watching, so come on out and duel! I’m not scared of your bald heads and outdated neckties, you old freaks! Got that?”
5. (Yami plays a card face down under magical hats)
Joey (thinking): “And I bet it’s a trap card, but wait. Yugi knows me, and he knows I would think that, so maybe it’s not a trap, maybe it’s a monster card. But what if he knows that I would think that … so it really is a trap? But what if he knows that I know the he know … ooohh, forget it, I’m just gonna attack.
6. Tristan: “I brought along a nature survival guide!“
Joey: "Can we eat it?"
7. Tristan: "Don’t worry, we still have my Great Outdoor survival Guide!"
Joey: "G'head, Tristan, eat all the pages ya like."
8. Bakura: "My Millennium Ring is pulling in this direction."
Joey: "Well, tell it to pull slower!"
9. Joey: "All right yous brothers Paradox, me and Yugi are gonna clean your clocks!"
10. Tristan: [about Serenity] "Just tell me what hospital she’s in, and I’ll go see her alone. You’d just be a third wheel."
Joey: [twisting Tristan in an anatomically nearly impossible position] "I’ll send you to the hospital!"
Tristan: "Ahhh!"
11. [after falling out of Duke’s car]
Tristan: "Maybe we’re safer on foot."
Joey: "Give me a piggyback, and you got a deal."
12. Joey: "How dumb do you think I am?!"
Tristan: "You don’t want me to answer that."
13. Joey: "Let me guess, you’re putting on another funky space suit?"
Valon: "You’re smarter than I thought."
14. Joey: “Yug!” [noogies Yugi] "Man did I miss this spikey little head!"
15. Tristan: "Are you sure that’s Atlantis?"
Joey: "Hmm, big ancient city looking thing rising out of the ocean? Yeah, looks about right."
16. Joey: "It’s Wheeler time, baby!"
17. Joey: [sees the spirits of Bakura’s monsters] "Don’t let them get me!” [hides behind Tea]
Tea: “Hey! Do I look like a human shield to you?!"
Joey: "I’m not gonna lie to you, yes you do!"
18.Joey: "That’s Yugi Moto. He defeated Seto Kaiba. And I’m his best friend. [points to Tea and Tristan] And these two are trespassers!”
19. Joey (singing): “I’m bad, you know it. I’m bad, I’ll show it.”
20. Mai: “Okay, give me all your star chips and I’ll give you some food."
Joey: "No way! Potato chips… I mean star chips are priceless!"
21. Tea: "What a weird dream..”.
Joey: “This is no dream, this is me goin’ insane."
22. Tristan: "I just dreamed that Bakura went totally mental!"
Joey: "Same here. Last time I snooze with dueling cards under my pillow."
Bakura: "Sleep well guys? (smiling at them sweetly)”
Joey & Tristan: “BAKURAA!!! (they jump up startled and grab onto each other) Huh?
Tristan: "Hands off!"
Joey: "You grabbed me!”
23. (Yugi, Joey, and Mokuba meet at the fountain)
Yugi: “Did you find out anything, Joey?"
(Joey limps over with a dog biting his leg)
Joey: "Yeah, I found out that I hate virtual dogs!"
24. Guard: "Hey you, what are you doing? Get out of there! Only official contestants are allowed on board.”
Joey: “How do you know I’m not official?”
Guard: “Because official duelists aren’t trying to sneak into the ship through the lower hatches.”
25. Joey (singing): “One potata, two potata, three potata, four, five potata, six potata, seven potata, more.”
Kaiba: (under his breath) “How did that fool make it this far? (louder) Just pick a door, you geek!”
Joey: “Five potata, four potata, three potata, two, I, choose, YOU! *points at door* We have a winner!”
*Marik walks in the door*
Joey: “Hey! Hold it! I already called first dibs on that door!”
Yami: “Just pick the door that’s closet to you, Joey.”
Joey: “But what about my potata song?”
26. Joey: “I’m gonna file this under the category of not good.”
27. Joey: “Lets hit the high road folks! I’m sure there’s someone else trying to take over the wold back home."
Tristan: "The scary thing is he’s probably right.”
28. Tristan: “That was your last monster!"
Joey: "Your cheerleading skills need work.”
29. Joey: “I’m on you like stink on an elephant!”
30. Joey: (talking about Yugi’s duel with the Kaiba Corp dueling system) “That hunk o’ junk computer’ll be running home to it’s motherboard when Yugi’s through with it!”
31. Joey: [has just figured out that Madame Butterfly is Mai in disguise] “Ok, that’s it. There’s only one duelist that could be that annoying!”
32. “Well, excuse me! I was only trying to help you win so that you wouldn’t have to miss out on the Battle City finals, Mrs. Grumpenheimer.”
Mai: “Just keep your big mouth zipped, or I’ll stick your duel disk in it.”
Joey: (covers his mouth) “Ulp."
33. Serenity: "I think that Mai’s really cool, don’t you Joey? She’s so tough. I’d love to be like that.”
Joey: “You serious?”
Serenity: “Yeah! She doesn’t let anyone push her around.”
Joey: “I guess. If you think it’s cool to have a really loud mouth, a mean disposition, and to walk around like you’re the greatest thing since cheese fries, sure, I guess you could say Mai’s cool. I wouldn’t, though.”
Mai: “Grrr…”
Jean-Claude: “Sugar plum? Were you daydreaming about our wedding?”
Mai: “I’d rather eat worms, Romeo.”
34. Yugi: “Good idea, Joey.” (Joey has been marking every door that they have opened in the Pharaoh’s soul room with a poorly-drawn smiley face)
Tea: “Yeah, but if we ever get out of here, invest in an art class.”
Shadi: “Heh heh. Good one.”
Joey: “Who asked you Snotty?”
Shadi: “It’s Shadi.”
Joey: “Face it! We’re gonna be stuck in this place with that ghost in a bathrobe for the rest of our lives!”
Shadi: “For your information, it’s a sacred cloak.”
Joey: “Bathrobe, cloak, whatever! The point is, we’re trapped!”
35. Yugi: “Uh, Joey, I don’t think we should cook the candy bars.”
Joey: “Back off! I know what I’m doing.”
36. Joey: “I’m going to beat you in nine turns!"
Duke Devlin: "Where’s he come up with nine?"
Tristan: "With Joey, it’s better not to ask."
37. "GIGANTIC DONUT!”
38. (Bandit Keith starts to Joey’s card in his room while he’s sleeping)
Joey: “Hey! Leggo of that! (Bandit Keith freezes, thinking he’s been caught) That's my pizza!”
39. Joey: “I’m such a sensitive guy!"
Tristan: "Yeah, when you’re not being a pain."
Tea: "Which is most of the time."
Joey: "Ahh, my adorin’ fans!"
40. Joey: "Who knew there was actually a nice guy inside that psychotic evil nutcase."
Mai: "You’ve certainly got a way with words Joey"
Joey: "It’s a gift."
41. "Awright! Time to make some Z’s!” (talking about going to sleep)
42. “Bada-bing, Bada-boom!”
43. (After having woken up as the Flame Swordsman) “Hey, what give? Hey, Yugi, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What the-? You’re a giant! Oh man, I finally cracked.”
….
Yami: “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Joey: “Okay? I figure I’ve lost my mind, but I’m gonna go with it. Nooow, who wants a beatin’, huh? AAAAAAH giant Bakura?! Now I know I’m nuts. I’m like six inches tall, wearin’ a dress, about to fight my giant friend?"
44. "Hassan-chop!” (chops through a monster) “Ta-daaaaa!”
45. (to Bonz) “Okay, I was afraid. But not ‘cause of the graveyard or your ooga-booga rap. It’s your creepy face that gave me the willies!”
46. “Man…this dream just gets weirder and weirder. It’s almost as nuts as that nightmare I had about the monkey and that bowl of vanilla pudding.”
47. Joey: “And next I’m gonna reveal this! My trap card: Grave Robber!”
Odion: “Now you plan to rob my graveyard?”
Joey: “Wow, did you figure that out all by yourself or did someone hand you a cheat sheet? Yes, Einstein, I’m gonna rob your grave!”
48. Serenity: “Hey there, Mai! We’re with ya!”
Joey: “Show this creep who’s boss!"
Mai: "And just what are you guys doing here? Didn’t I make it clear that I don’t need your help to win this duel?”
Joey: “We all know that, Mai. But friends are still allowed to come watch, right? Just to show we care. Like the time my grandma came to see me play a tree in the school pageant!”
49. “Note to self: Beware of large winds.”
50. Joey: “Hey! We just won a fight!”
Tristan: “Victory dance!”
Joey and Tristan (singing and dancing): “We just kicked a little can-can! Kicked a little can…ugh (they sink to their knees, weak from hunger).”
Tea: “So what exactly was that?”
Joey: “Whenever we kick some can,”
Tristan: “We do a victory dance!”
Joey and Tristan (singing and doing the can-can): “Can-can, kick a little can-can, tell me who’s the man-man, we got tons of fans-because we like to kick those can-cans, kick a little can-can, tell me who’s the man-man, you shoulda seen the way they ran-ran, when we kicked their can-cans, we’ve got lots of fans, we kick caaaaaaaaaaan…"
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